Absorb the Compliments

To this day, I still remember a class activity that affected my self-esteem and me. I never felt bad about myself and often received compliments from family and teachers. This class activity was a little different though. We each wrote our name at the top of a sheet of paper and began passing papers around the classroom. Everyone anonymously wrote a compliment on that person’s paper. The first thing I realized was that I had to compliment everyone in my class, even the kids who didn't like me or ones that I didn't talk with much. Finding and acknowledging positive traits about everyone was not as much of a challenge as I had anticipated. At the end of the activity, receiving a page full of compliments and reading through them, a grin grew across everyone’s face. It was a great activity; looking back I realize how practical and beneficial this mentality is, and should be continued on a daily basis, for a lifetime.

Receiving compliments is a challenge for many people. Approximately two thirds of compliments get rejected, credit gets passed on or they get ignored. If you gave someone a gift and when they opened it, immediately insulted it and told you to return it, how would that make you feel? Rejecting or re-insulting a compliment is much like that - Instead, we should be absorbing these feel good claims. Below are a few tips to help avoid the habit of rejecting compliments:

 

Do not:

 

Ignore it (e.g., changing the subject)

 

Refuse it (“yeah right”)

 

Feel obligated to return a compliment quickly (could come off as insincere)

 

Comeback with an insult to yourself  (“Oh, I wish I didn’t look so fat today”)

 

Seek more reassurance (“Are you sure?”)

 

 

Do:

 

Say thank you, with a smile (simple and sincere)

 

Elaborate how that makes you feel, if you feel comfortable (“Thank you for noticing! I am proud of it!”)

 

Believe it (many people forget this one)

 

Remember it (take a mental note)

 

Return a compliment later, or pay it forward (smiles and compliments are contagious)

 

Write it down (reference past compliments when you need a pick-me-up)

 

 

By following these simple rules, you are more likely to receive compliments, and sincere ones. Believe them. Embrace them. Build upon them.

 

Remembering someone complimenting a shirt, it will make you wear that shirt again, and this time with more confidence.

 

Remembering someone complimenting a presentation or project result, you will feel more confident speaking or performing that skill on the next project.

There is a difference between being confident and being cocky. I’m not saying to rub the compliments you receive in other’s faces, negatively. Reflect on compliments in private, and acknowledge your own personal strengths and gifts.

Love, Life and Lyrics

"Love is all you need." -The Beatles

They've just celebrated the big 5-0. This auspicious anniversary of the fab four is just in time for the fab 1-4 of February. For all the loveys and all the lonely this Valentine's Day, let us make it about more than just stuffed bears and the scent of roses in the air.

Whether you're a lovey or a lonely this February 14th, we'll all find ourselves out-of-sync and fall out-of-love the other 364 days of the year and for that here are three things you have to have to get through what you have to get through:

1. You need to love yourself:

Be self-deprecating and lose your inhibitions. Snow angels, swinging, sliding, singing: Learn to laugh at yourself and make the things you can't stand about yourself- and think others can't either- into caricatures of your character. Confidence isn't the bi-product of perfection. Confidence is smiling with lettuce stuck in your teeth and not caring about it too much.

2. You need to surround yourself with people you love:

It's good to challenge yourself and test your boundaries: To live outside your comfort zone. You know, however, you are too far out there when you realize that you are in the midst of strangers with whom there's no communication or connection. Regroup and find your circle of family or appoint yourself an additional family made up of friends and allow their love to push you to the limits instead.

3. You need to love your job:

Don't lose your passion for (making a) living. Even if Monday-Friday are monotonous with the same day after day, week after week menial tasks, you can still fall a little in love with all of the dull. You can be a part of the circle of loving friends and family for those who suffer the same syndrome of Bluesday, everyday: A vase full of fresh flowers is like Tylenol for winter depression. A pair of lucky socks under your business shoes is first aid to balance the boa constrictions of double knotted laces. And hey, if you have to spruce up for work, why don't you Seuss up your tie, too, with a fish red or a fish blue? So,

"What's love got to do with it?" -Tina Turner

Everything. (If you did not answer with “Everything,” please re-read steps 1-3.)

All you need is love to prove that anything that drives you crazy is just a possibility to create a love story about your life.

Elevator Etiquette 101

Hold on guys, one bumpy ride awaits us. Tie your shoes, respect the personal bubble and try not to spill your red slushy on any white shirts.

Riding in an elevator is similar to that feeling you get riding over a hill too fast. Except the music, I think we can all agree upon that. Elevators are essentially known for three things: unforgettably forgettable toneless music, cliché jokes, fictitious blackout and bully scenes*.

*e.g. Die Hard, James Bond, Taken, The Office, Terminator

What if you got on 1 out of the 900,000 elevators in the US and it blacked out right when you reached your floor? About 3,000 people a year suffer this fate. Wouldn’t you like to know a little about your fellow passengers? With all the deodorant, hidden camera pranks, make-out, music and button happy (think Elf) jokes based on the interior existence of an elevator, we’ve conditioned ourselves to getting on, intently studying our footwear, and getting off.

An average elevator ride is 30-seconds. If you’re lucky you could get a 2-minute ride to make a new friend and establish a new relationship. As author Scott Stratton of UnMarketing says, “If you believe businesses are built on relationships, then make that your business.”

What will you do with those 30 seconds? Well, turn the clock back first. Once you start rushing toward the open elevator, whose jaws of death are closing, you’re reduced to that nightmarish slow-motion torture. It’s closing; you’re already running late and wait, what’s that? A random act of kindness: Allowing you to board, a hand slaps against one of the barricades, blocking its progress.

Scenario 1: You mumble thanks, slap your hand against the number board panel and depending on your palm size…again, think Elf.

Scenario 2: You make eye contact, thank them and find that chitchatting about the weather is a welcome distraction.

This is more than an elevator pitch. It is more than “30 seconds could save 30% on your car insurance” and yes, that math seems faulty. How are you going to spend your elevator ride? Are you going to pitch your personality or are you going to stand in the corner should it all go pitch black?

What do thirty seconds look like on an average day? In 30 seconds you can…

-Boot up your iMac

-Watch 5 Vines

-Floss 7 teeth*
*Unless, for example, you’re a hockey player and have dedicated many of your teeth to the passion of your sport.

-Cook half a meal of *Minute Rice
*Worx is not responsible if you consume partially cooked food.

-Update a Twitter *Post
*With 100 characters to spare. Average typing speed is 38-40wpm.

-Read 125-150 *Words.

Or you can make an elevator connection. You can start a relationship, and you can rest easy knowing that if you should be one of the 3,000 stranded in an elevator, it will not be with a complete stranger.

Feel Good Power

Genuine compliments can create such a positive energy. Do you remember the most recent compliment you received? From a loved one or a complete stranger, it just puts a smile on your face and a little extra pep in your step, right? According to psychologytoday.com, just by noticing and focusing on the good qualities in the world around us gives a boost to our mood. It is a type of cognitive training: a training of attention that, also, adds an element of positivity. A compliment may lead to a charming smile or a delightful conversation. Either way, nothing bad will come from a compliment as long as it is genuine.

Learn to appreciate the little things in life, the details. Fall in love with moments. Noticing the under-appreciated details in the world around you will help create a sense of gratitude towards life. Help spread that gratitude to others by noticing, appreciating and complimenting others, from something as simple as a shirt or haircut, to an accomplishment at work or reaching a personal goal.

So the next time you notice something favorable about someone you know or a complete stranger, ask yourself, “would I appreciate if someone complimented me for that?” If so, go for it! What have you got to lose? Nothing! You just gain an opportunity to make someone’s day and your own.

“Spread love wherever you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” – Mother Teresa