Absorb the Compliments

To this day, I still remember a class activity that affected my self-esteem and me. I never felt bad about myself and often received compliments from family and teachers. This class activity was a little different though. We each wrote our name at the top of a sheet of paper and began passing papers around the classroom. Everyone anonymously wrote a compliment on that person’s paper. The first thing I realized was that I had to compliment everyone in my class, even the kids who didn't like me or ones that I didn't talk with much. Finding and acknowledging positive traits about everyone was not as much of a challenge as I had anticipated. At the end of the activity, receiving a page full of compliments and reading through them, a grin grew across everyone’s face. It was a great activity; looking back I realize how practical and beneficial this mentality is, and should be continued on a daily basis, for a lifetime.

Receiving compliments is a challenge for many people. Approximately two thirds of compliments get rejected, credit gets passed on or they get ignored. If you gave someone a gift and when they opened it, immediately insulted it and told you to return it, how would that make you feel? Rejecting or re-insulting a compliment is much like that - Instead, we should be absorbing these feel good claims. Below are a few tips to help avoid the habit of rejecting compliments:

 

Do not:

 

Ignore it (e.g., changing the subject)

 

Refuse it (“yeah right”)

 

Feel obligated to return a compliment quickly (could come off as insincere)

 

Comeback with an insult to yourself  (“Oh, I wish I didn’t look so fat today”)

 

Seek more reassurance (“Are you sure?”)

 

 

Do:

 

Say thank you, with a smile (simple and sincere)

 

Elaborate how that makes you feel, if you feel comfortable (“Thank you for noticing! I am proud of it!”)

 

Believe it (many people forget this one)

 

Remember it (take a mental note)

 

Return a compliment later, or pay it forward (smiles and compliments are contagious)

 

Write it down (reference past compliments when you need a pick-me-up)

 

 

By following these simple rules, you are more likely to receive compliments, and sincere ones. Believe them. Embrace them. Build upon them.

 

Remembering someone complimenting a shirt, it will make you wear that shirt again, and this time with more confidence.

 

Remembering someone complimenting a presentation or project result, you will feel more confident speaking or performing that skill on the next project.

There is a difference between being confident and being cocky. I’m not saying to rub the compliments you receive in other’s faces, negatively. Reflect on compliments in private, and acknowledge your own personal strengths and gifts.