Tales of a Workin' Mama

Deadlines are looming, the phone is ringing, your child is being needy and clients need your attention. I don’t know about you, but for me this sounds like a typical day at the office. My job allows me the flexibility to bring my daughter with me to work several days a week. Because she is under the age of three, this can be a blessing and a curse. I constantly juggle chunks of productivity and being fully present in the moments shared with my little one.

Last night I had the opportunity to discuss the balance of working and being a mom with a few of my peers at the AAF-GF Roundtable for Workin Mamas. We covered a number of topics, including mom guilt, leaving work at work, balancing work and home life, maintaining a professional appearance, and being present at the moment. Before we left, we all made a promise to ourselves to put some of the solutions we came up with as a group into action.

Mom Guilt. How do you handle it? There is no right or wrong way. While we may not be there for every milestone (ex. Getting braces put on) the relationship we have built with our children remains just as strong. Since many of us have been working since before our children were born, they don’t know any different. Some of us bring our children to work, into our world. Instead of completely separating work and life, they are blended together.

While including children in your work means you can spend more time together, there is a time when we need to leave work at work. One of the mothers shared that she takes everything in her head and writes it down on a sheet of paper. This includes all of the to dos, work or not. Everyday, she tries to do three tasks off her list. After a while, she could get more accomplished and had the satisfaction of crossing items off. Shutting off mobile devices helps us realize that the world will go on if that email isn’t answered until tomorrow. This conversation led into balancing your personal life with a career. Learning to say no is a big step. It is OK to step away from what you have been doing if it no longer serves you. Prioritizing what really matters, like family, will help tremendously in future decision-making. If it doesn’t matter to you, then don’t do it.

Maintaining a professional appearance could mean something different for everyone. Some women work in an environment where there are rules. Others work in a more casual atmosphere, where individuals can dress for the style of the business. The key to all of this is to be authentic and dress for whatever suits you.

Perhaps the most important topic of the evening was practicing mindfulness and being purposeful with what you are doing. Most take a week-by-week approach, allowing time for themselves to recharge, time to plan ahead, and a conscious effort to put the phone away and live in the moment. When we are working, we are working. When we are home, we are home.

Mr. Happy Pants

It’s always been a struggle for me to not take work home with me. Pulling out a document I had been working on several hours ago at the office: it’s a giddy, rush-of-adrenaline moment. Now, in a new environment, it’s a more intense battle. I really love what I do!

Being the new girl at work, however, I’m the outsider looking in over shoulders. Or so I thought. I’ve found it’s a safety zone for sharing. Even if I wrapped my emotional baggage in designer bags, it’s baggage nonetheless. When I noticed that the level of communication at work was essential to the momentum of the team, I realized how the empathy and wisdom they gave and gained made taking work home an even more positive thing. That baggage I carried in? It’s been lightened and can now be refilled with encouragement.

I’m learning to listen; I’ve been listened to. Now I feel like an insider.

I thought I was alone in some of my quirks and hang-ups. I told myself to shut up if the urge to speak arose. But as I listened, they listened in return and turns out, we aren’t as unique as we think when it comes to mishaps of life.

And Mr. Happy Pants? He’s the gentleman who inspired me, long ago, to smile, laugh at oneself and move on. Every time he came into my old store, he wore his ripped pants; a big L-shaped tear that created a flap right over the seat of his pants. If only his boxers had smiley faces: ) He was aware of this clothing defect, but he always smiled through the recounting of his stories… even when the things in his life were ripping him apart.

The next time I go into work I can be Mr. Happy Pants, because I work with a group of Happy Pants. They too have been ripped, but when they brought their home into work, they slipped on Happy Pants, and could take that renewed work energy home with them. Today, especially, I saw how my co-workers and boss take those Happy Pants everywhere, and I see sharing -tears, rips and all- really is caring.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

In the world of business, people often put up a façade so people will see them a certain way. As humans, we tend to compare our mistakes with everyone else’s highlight reel. Others may very well be happy and prosperous, but there are struggles behind every success story. Obstacles make us grow and allow us to keep moving forward.

Recently we attended an event in San Francisco where some very unexpected conversations took place. I shared experiences with “ideal” professionals, and heard stories that were relatable, comforting, and authentic. Listening to people as they opened up and shared their struggles made me realize that I shouldn’t let comparison steal my joy.

While the success and triumphs of others can be a great inspiration to us, it is important not to lose sight of the hard work and struggles on the way to the top. With that in mind, you never know what kind of troubles someone might be having. Your kind gesture might be just what they need for inspiration.