The Gist of The Matter

We may not have met in person. We may not have shook hands – and if we ever do, I like a good firm, handshake. If we haven’t high-five'd, I like them just like that. High. No low fives and definitely no you’re-too-slow-fives that the youths of America jokingly initiate. 

However, we have met here before. Therefore, I think it’s a safe platform that I can bypass the weather and go straight into a heart-to-heart (or fist-bump to fist-bump if you prefer) discussion and delve into a not-so-secret secret. Ready?

I like to paint. I like to create beautiful imagery. Sometimes I use pens. Sometimes I use pencils. But in circumstances such as this, I depend on a keyboard and upon the connectivity between two screens.

You see, I like to paint pictures for people where the medium is words, not acrylics or watercolors.

But after pouring my attention, my spine and sometimes my water over the keyboard to develop every detail into bringing to life the pepperonis of a pizza shop, restoring the chipped paint of a dilapidated warehouse, or helping fill the cavity of a toddler’s on his first visit to the dentist, I need a break.

I need to lift my head slowly (so as to avoid whiplash), and for all those in with any physiological background, I do indeed crack my knuckles at this juncture.

When I come up to breathe from this self-induced, word-constricting comma, when I look up from my own Wonderland, I acknowledge April’s thunderstorms and the thunderclouds. I see the leafless trees, the muddy walkways, and I see the soggy grounds. Also, all of this has a major impact on my soles; the soles of my shoes. Subsequently this impacts my wallet.

Because I am a realist.

Here’s the gist of the matter:

Suppose I shove away from my desk on my wheeled chair when work ends and head out on a gray, stormy day.

Then, like an incompetent baker who can’t crack eggs, the clouds break open and the water sloshes on me. And what appears to be only me. Even though this isn’t really true. I am wet, but onward I walk.

Ahead a gentleman is getting in his car, shaking out his umbrella as he begins to collapse it and back into his sedan. (How does the general population accomplish that feat so elegantly? So inconspicuously?)

As I approach closer, he calls out, “Hey, I don’t need this anymore! I’m obviously heading out. You can have this-”

“Oh thanks, but I couldn’t. Are you sur-”

“…for 20 bucks. Even.”

“Oh, um, I only have $15 on me.”

“I’ll take it.”

Sold.

And that my friends is the gist of the matter.

• As a realist, I acknowledge that this person is taking advantage of an opportune moment. It’s very economically advantageous of him.

• An optimist individual might give him the benefit of the doubt thinking this person is attempting to make some much-needed money for his family, even pulling out the emergency $50 from his or her wallet.

• A pessimist doesn’t buy the umbrella because he or she assumes it doesn’t work. Actually, a pessimist may never have left the office because, “Chicken Little: The sky is falling!”

The gist of the matter is we’re going to encounter rainy days. (Quite literally, now that it is April!) The clouds will crack open from above us. There will be puddles. So eventually we will have to go through them.

It’s how we go through them that matters most.

The gist of the matter is we’re going to get muddy. It’s a fact. But even mud is good for our skin, right?

Communication

Learning to communicate is one of the first things we learn to do as an infant. We find ways to express our wants and needs to others without using words. As adults, somehow the use of words can make communicating more difficult. You would think it would ease the process. Learning to communicate effectively with people around us is important on a professional and personal level.

There are 3 key steps to this process:

1.  Thought: It enters your brain as a potential topic for future conversation.

2. Encoding: We as the communicator have to find the most accurate and best way to convey our ideas and thoughts to the listener.

3. Decoding: The listener has to understand and absorb our information, and we hope it is a similar translation on all levels.

Most often the communication stops at the first step. There are many more thoughts that aren’t shared with others than the ones that are, which is perfectly fine. However, when those thoughts turn into worries, concerns and topics that need to be addressed to achieve inner peace, following through steps 2 and 3 are critical. These steps can easily cause anxiety and guilt. What if I upset someone else? What if I’m crazy and no one understands me? What if I’m the only one? More than likely, the thought dwelling in your mind begging to be communicated will put you at ease once you let it out of the cage of your mind.

A few things to consider when communicating with the listener (decoder):

- Timing: Is this an appropriate time to bring this up? Consider things like time of day, how busy or distracted the listener will be and is it an appropriate setting? Nobody wants to cause a scene.

- Tone: How is the tone of your voice, body language and your heart? Be sincere without being over-dramatic.

- Technique: Are you remembering to not blame others or play victim? Are you willing to have an open-minded conversation with the listener? Are you ready to accept suggestions on how to come to a solution?

- Truth: Well… is it? Sometimes if we think something long enough, our heart and mind starts to believe it’s true. If you assume something you make an…well, you know the rest.

While it’s important to communicate both good and bad topics with others, these tips might seem more applicable in certain circumstances where communication might otherwise be uncomfortable. Communicating positive ideas and exciting thoughts might come more naturally for most people, so keep up the enthusiasm! Are you ready to improve your thought process, encoding practices and decoding skills? Try to incorporate these tips slowly into your life on personal and professional levels.

Mr. Happy Pants

It’s always been a struggle for me to not take work home with me. Pulling out a document I had been working on several hours ago at the office: it’s a giddy, rush-of-adrenaline moment. Now, in a new environment, it’s a more intense battle. I really love what I do!

Being the new girl at work, however, I’m the outsider looking in over shoulders. Or so I thought. I’ve found it’s a safety zone for sharing. Even if I wrapped my emotional baggage in designer bags, it’s baggage nonetheless. When I noticed that the level of communication at work was essential to the momentum of the team, I realized how the empathy and wisdom they gave and gained made taking work home an even more positive thing. That baggage I carried in? It’s been lightened and can now be refilled with encouragement.

I’m learning to listen; I’ve been listened to. Now I feel like an insider.

I thought I was alone in some of my quirks and hang-ups. I told myself to shut up if the urge to speak arose. But as I listened, they listened in return and turns out, we aren’t as unique as we think when it comes to mishaps of life.

And Mr. Happy Pants? He’s the gentleman who inspired me, long ago, to smile, laugh at oneself and move on. Every time he came into my old store, he wore his ripped pants; a big L-shaped tear that created a flap right over the seat of his pants. If only his boxers had smiley faces: ) He was aware of this clothing defect, but he always smiled through the recounting of his stories… even when the things in his life were ripping him apart.

The next time I go into work I can be Mr. Happy Pants, because I work with a group of Happy Pants. They too have been ripped, but when they brought their home into work, they slipped on Happy Pants, and could take that renewed work energy home with them. Today, especially, I saw how my co-workers and boss take those Happy Pants everywhere, and I see sharing -tears, rips and all- really is caring.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

In the world of business, people often put up a façade so people will see them a certain way. As humans, we tend to compare our mistakes with everyone else’s highlight reel. Others may very well be happy and prosperous, but there are struggles behind every success story. Obstacles make us grow and allow us to keep moving forward.

Recently we attended an event in San Francisco where some very unexpected conversations took place. I shared experiences with “ideal” professionals, and heard stories that were relatable, comforting, and authentic. Listening to people as they opened up and shared their struggles made me realize that I shouldn’t let comparison steal my joy.

While the success and triumphs of others can be a great inspiration to us, it is important not to lose sight of the hard work and struggles on the way to the top. With that in mind, you never know what kind of troubles someone might be having. Your kind gesture might be just what they need for inspiration.

Do What Fires You Up!

How you spend your time is how you spend your life. You know all of those things you’ve always wanted to do? The time to do them is now. The circumstances will never be aligned perfectly, and you will never have forward movement without taking risks. If you remember one thing from this post, remember this: You, playing small, will not serve the world.

Say yes to what fires you up. But, how do you get there? Fill your environment with what matters most to you. Physically get out there and do what matters most. You will know it when you feel it. When you are continually focusing on it, your mind becomes quiet, you find peace and clarity, and your renewed state-of-mind will elevate your work and business. When you can define your core, you will attract clients that think like you.

Risk success, because it is not guaranteed. Saying no to one thing is saying yes to something better. Choosing one or the other is always a risk. Maybe this will mean less income, you may lose clients that don’t share your values, or your family and friends may not support it. It’s worth the risk when it matters most to you.

What is physically keeping you from doing what fires you up? Are you worried about what people will think or have fear of failure? Most emotional fears are irrational bi-products of our own thinking. Just because everyone is headed in one direction, doesn’t mean you have to go follow along. Make decisions based on your values, because you can’t be everything to everyone.

You are more than enough, and you are here for a purpose. Everyone ends up somewhere, but few end up there intentionally. To be different, you have to be yourself.

The ability to make decisions will come naturally once you can define what is most important to you. Do what fires you up. Do what matters.

Be Authentic Online

Be Authentic Online

It feels natural to be authentically you… right? Step outside of yourself for a moment and think about the many hats you wear. Who is the real you? What struggles do you face? What motivates you to keep chugging along? Social media can serve as an outlet to express thoughts, feelings, goals, and challenges. While some people take it to the extreme, using it effectively can create a strong connection between you and your followers.

Have you ever visited a page for someone you admire and look up to? When reading some of their statuses you are reminded that they are only human too. Sharing personal stories, struggles, and how you overcame them can give your admirers the same relatable experience. It can start a conversation that engages Facebook or Instagram followers. A visual way to do this is through sharing photos that show them what happens behind the scenes. This creates a very exclusive perspective that people can relate to, that also makes them feel included.

By being transparent and relatable, you make yourself (or business) seem more personable and approachable. Everyone has their battles, and some people are better at others at overcoming failure and using what they have learned.

What personal story could you share with the world?